OM isn’t a pleasure practice
The journey of the strokee is to experience the truth that any stroke can be gotten off on. Anything.
OM isn’t a pleasure practice. Pleasure has diminishing returns. It feels good, sure–but after a while it alone isn’t very interesting. It’s like having only one movie that you ever watch. Even if it’s a great movie.
OM is the practice of feeling what’s here, all the way. No matter what it is. And get off on it.
This morning in an OM I felt incredibly frustrated. He wasn’t on my spot. I didn’t even know where my spot was! Nothing was working. My skin was burning, my jaw was tight, hot lines stabbed though my body.
In any other context this would have been “bad” and a problem. He wasn’t on my spot!! I was upset!! Bad!!
But in OM, it’s one place where good and bad don’t exist. It’s just sensation. It’s just another thing to feel that is valid, true, and worthwhile. And something that can be gotten off on.
So I started to feel it and savor it. I let the lines stab and my skin burn. I ached. I hated. I just let it happen–because it’s what was happening!
Despite my story it was a actually just sensation. And quite a rich and intense amount of it. No different in value than the kind that I judge feels “good.” So I just felt and I turned all of those stabbing lines into enjoyment, I saturated myself with them. I let them in and said yes to them.
That is how strokees get free in OM. That’s how I’ve gotten free.
Silicon Valley OM House Reconaissance
Here is a link to the spreadsheet I am using to find an OM House.
Here is a picture of the area I am searching in with Zillow.
And here is a link to the Zillow listings.
Where do I stand?
I had a dream last night. Without going into all the details, the
dream told me that “the way out” was through Buddhist meditation.
I started the relationship by design course with a good friend and a
lover. Now, she doesnt even want to talk to me. Without going into too
many details, we started out the course with good intentions at the
conscious level of mind, but we both had negative subconscious beliefs
and fears about the other gender, that led us into behaviors that
confirmed our beliefs.
I notice a lot of “explosions” in OneTaste, where people engage in
negative behaviors in their relationships. Sometimes they come back
together later, sometimes not: even though there is
sometimes growth in OneTaste, it comes at the expense of a lot of
damage and negativity. The behavior I see in OneTaste would not occur
for long in Buddhist meditation because each Buddhist has taken
responsibility for his own happiness and realizes that anger and foul
speech are sowing seeds that draw him deeper and deeper into a cycle.
Fear Inventory works very well. It makes your communication with women
cleaner and will definitely lead to more female lovers. But deeper
down, I want to love all women and all people. My mind has gotten to
the point that I think some people look better than others and I have
developed strong preferences. However, as well as Fear Inventory works,
I’m not so sure I want to keep searching my shadow side for
resentments.
I have a false identity and think that having sex with other false
identities will liberate me from my delusion. And in fact in OneTaste,
they engage in practices at Magic School which help one dissolve those
delusions.
I’ve been very close to starting physical confrontations in OneTaste
in the name of The Beast and following my desire. I’ve been treated
wrongly and lashed out like a spoiled brat. And so do many leaders in
OneTaste. But maybe the fact that they dont have these high-and-mighty
purer-than-thou states is good. heck the holy ones might be doing dirt
in the closet and that is much worse! But speaking for myself, I think
I can live a life free of being a slave of passion (as passionate as I
am). And maybe even turn on the passion should I so choose and with
whom i choose.
OneTaste is making the vital nutrient of ORGASM widely available. But
be clear that the ORGASM that they offer can be had by staring at a
flower or listening to a bird chirp. The ORGASM that they offer can be
had in and out of sex. And if you listen
Maybe I should cut out all practices but orgasmic meditation? I did
say that I liked the non-verbal practices at OneTaste. And OM itself
has [a wealth of
benefits](http://orgasmic-meditation.livingcosmos.org/what-is-om) …
Her feedback:
Trying several things and you are not sure if they are working for
good or for bad. Good practice to retreat yourself.
Keep assessing are you feeling more orgasm.
She has the need to take classes and wants to be pushed at the edge to
grow. Then you will want.
Dont blow out taking too many things at the same thing.
The Power of Attention
Let’s start with all you need to know about spirituality until you can achieve samadhi, the zazen instructions at Zen Mountain Monastery:
In zazen, we focus on the breath. Breath is the vital force; it’s the central activity of our bodies. Mind and breath are one reality: when your mind is agitated your breath is agitated; when you’re nervous you breathe quickly and shallowly; when your mind is at rest the breath is deep, easy, and effortless. It is important to center your attention in the hara. The hara is a place within the body, located two inches below the navel, inside the body. It’s the physical and spiritual center of the body. In zazen, you will begin to develop a relationship with the hara. You will practice putting your attention there; putting your mind there. As you develop your zazen, you’ll become more aware of the hara as the center of your attentiveness.
Practicing the Breath
Begin rocking the body back and forth, slowly, in decreasing arcs, until you settle at your center of gravity. The mind is in the hara, hands are folded in the cosmic mudra, mouth is closed, tongue pressed on the upper palate. You’re breathing through the nose and you’re completely experiencing the breath. Keep your attention on the hara and the breath.
We begin to steady and stabilize the mind by counting the breath. We practice by counting each inhalation and each exhalation, beginning with one and counting up to ten. Inhale—at the end of the inhalation, count one. Exhale—at the end of the exhalation, count two. When you get to ten, come back to one and start all over. The only agreement that you make with yourself in this process is that if your mind begins to wander—if you become aware that what you’re doing is chasing thoughts – you will look at the thought, acknowledge it, and then deliberately and consciously let it go and begin the count again at one.
The counting is a feedback to help you know when your mind has drifted off. Each time you return to the breath you are empowering yourself with the ability to put your mind where you want it, when you want it there, for as long as you want it there. That simple fact is extremely important. We call this power of concentration joriki, or spiritual power.
When you’ve been practicing counting the breath for a while, your awareness will sharpen. You’ll begin to notice things that were always there but escaped your attention. Because of the preoccupation with the internal dialogue, you were too full to be able to see what was happening around you. The process of zazen begins to open that up.
When you’re able to stay with the counting and repeatedly get to ten without any effort and without thoughts interfering, it’s time to begin counting every cycle of the breath. Inhalation and exhalation will count as one, the next inhalation and exhalation as two. This provides less feedback, but with time you will need less feedback.
Eventually, you’ll want to just follow the breath and abandon the counting altogether. Just be with the breath. Just be the breath. Let the breath breathe itself. That’s the beginning of the falling away of body and mind. It takes some time and you shouldn’t rush it; you shouldn’t move too fast from counting every breath to counting every other breath and on to following the breath. If you move ahead prematurely, you’ll end up not developing strong joriki. And it’s that power of concentration that ultimately leads to what we call samadhi, or single-pointedness of mind.
In the process of working with the breath, the thoughts that come up, for the most part, will be just noise, just random thoughts. Sometimes, however, when you’re in a crisis or involved in something important in your life, you’ll find that the thought, when you let it go, will recur. You let it go again but it comes back, you let it go and it still comes back. Sometimes that needs to happen. Don’t treat that as a failure; treat it as another way of practicing. This is the time to let the thought happen, engage it, let it run its full course. But watch it, be aware of it. Allow it to do what it’s got to do, let it exhaust itself. Then release it, let it go. Come back again to the breath. Start at one and continue the process. Don’t use zazen to suppress thoughts or issues that need to come up.
Scattered mental activity and energy keeps us separated from each other, from our environment, and from ourselves. In the process of sitting, the surface activity of our minds begins to slow down. The mind is like the surface of a pond—when the wind is blowing, the surface is disturbed and there are ripples. Nothing can be seen clearly because of the ripples; the reflected image of the sun or the moon is broken up into many fragments.
Out of that stillness, our whole life arises. If we don’t get in touch with it at some time in our life, we will never get the opportunity to come to a point of rest. In deep zazen, deep samadhi, a person breathes at a rate of only two or three breaths a minute. Normally, at rest, a person will breathe about fifteen breaths a minute—even when we’re relaxing, we don’t quite relax. The more completely your mind is at rest, the more deeply your body is at rest. Respiration, heart rate, circulation, and metabolism slow down in deep zazen. The whole body comes to a point of stillness that it doesn’t reach even in deep sleep. This is a very important and very natural aspect of being human. It is not something particularly unusual. All creatures of the earth have learned this and practice this. It’s a very important part of being alive and staying alive: the ability to be completely awake.
It is also important to be patient and persistent, to not be constantly thinking of a goal, of how the sitting practice may help us. We just put ourselves into it and let go of our thoughts, opinions, positions—everything our minds hold onto. The human mind is basically free, not clinging. In zazen we learn to uncover that mind, to see who we really are.
OK so Nicole basically has a talk where she shatters all understandings of monogamy and polyamory:
Key points:
- 5:23 “If you are interested in fucking a lot of people because you cant
fuck one person well, then dont do it” - 5:48 – “If you are doing monogamy because of this agreement and that agreement. do something that
isnt a habituated response.” - 6:35 – “Relationships are best at beginning for 99.9 percent … most
people dont have a hold on their attention… “ - 7:30 – “If you can hold your attention somewhere, it becomes more and
more fascinating… OM for her would be boring as hell by now if she
couldnt hold her attention… instead it is highly nuanced.” - 8:41 – “We have a world of people saying I cant get enough. No, you
wont focus enough to draw out the more than enough that is in
everything” — so then why does she do so many spiritual paths? At the
start of this lecture, she said she does 2 different types of
yoga. And she certainly draws from numerous forms of Buddhism. This is
a question I would ask her.
THE BAR FOR A MAKE-OUT IS HIGHER THAN THE BAR FOR AN OM
This is a
post I have been wanting to write for a very long time. I want to
start with the definition of a few terms:
1. MASSAGE: therapeutic touch that is not about sex
2. CUDDLING: intimate touch that is not about sex (http://www.cuddleparty.com/)
3. ORGASMIC MEDITATION (OM): a wellness practice involving two people paying
attention to the sensations at the clitoris as one person strokes
it. It is sexual but it is not sex. It is goalless.
4. MAKEOUT: At OneTaste, the way we do anything is the way we do
everything and everything is an OM. Makeout is therefore a goalless practice
with agreed-upon boundaries. It spans the range from completely non-sexual
(e.g. caressing someone’s cheek) or it may be sexual
intercourse. (http://onetaste.us/code-of-conduct/)
(http://onetaste.us/making-out-tips-free/)
5. INTIMACY: an above average degree of flow-state between the mental
bodies of 2 people
6. LOVE: an above average degree of flow-state between the emotional
bodies of 2 people
7. SEX: Note that all of these definitions end with a question mark
because I don’t know what sex is (and would appreciate your input)
Definition 1: an above average degree of flow-state between the procreative
forces of 2 people?
Definition 2: Sex is the apparent division of the father-mother
substance of Mind into apparent opposites?
http://www.philosophy.org/the-sex-principle/
Definition 3: Any act intended to arouse the genitalia?
OK, now we get to the meat. What confuses me is that society and
conventional relationships put the bar for most forms of makeout much
lower than they would for an OM but the women in OneTaste are far more
selective about who they makeout with than who they OM with. For
instance if I walked up to
someone I had never seen before and said: “you have lovely hair, may I
stroke it” … she just might say yes and she certainly would not file
a sexual harrassment lawsuit. On the other hand if I walked up to
someone I had never seen before and said: “your ass is busting through
those jeans. Would you kindly butterfly your legs open so I can stroke
your pussy.”, she probably would say no and just might file
a sexual harrassment lawsuit.
Continuing, two people making out on a park bench might shock a few
people but not nearly as many people as a public act of OM.
The bottom line is: most forms of make out can occur in public and
would occur between 2 people much earlier than an OM would.
However, in our community, it is the reverse. I can walk up to people
and the very first thing I can say is: “Would you like to OM?” and I
would get a “yes” about 50-75% of the time. From experience, walking
up to people who I already know and asking for a makeout has about a
10% or less success rate. And all of those women would OM with me,
which basically means that most women place a higher premium on who
they will makeout with than who they will OM with. Why is this?
And I find that confusing because many forms of makeout dont require
the removal of clothes and arent even heavily sexual.
Closing this out, I would say that OM has taught me a great amount
about what a woman wants and how she wants it. There is a tremendous
amount of sensation and ecstasy in a woman from a very very light
touch. I can carry that understanding into the rest of her body and
approach makeout the same way.
But, putting this in the context of today’s Play Course, they are having
3 OMs in the play course. OM is not play for me. I put a lot of energy
and attention into my OM practice. Makeout would be playful. Cuddling
would be playful. Some of the exercises in the book “Slow Sex” would
be play. But not OM.
Finally, please note that the first 4 definitions are listed in the
order of willingness for a woman to take that, meaning, she would get
a massage or cuddle more readily than OM and should get an OM more
readily than a makeout.
success story – through pain to pleasure
When I started Oming my body was tight, and my pussy was tender, sore, and the tissues along my G-spot and walls were hard to the touch. I would experience intense burning sensations whenever a man entered me, and his cock or a finger would rub against my G-spot. My walls had a rigidity to them when egordgment happened. They wouldn’t expand easily causing restriction and discomfrot during arousal. Most of the sex I have had in the last two years as been a continual practice of breathing into the discomfor and knowing that its a work in progress. Each day it got a little better, each om there was one less moment that felt like glass shards, each time I had sex he could go a little deeper.
Things really began to shift when I did the Orgasm Mastery program. All those emotions, fears, and self limiting beleifs I had compiled and kept locked down in my pussy began to get released. It was the experience of being held in a container so well and lovingly that every dark shadow, every hidden emotion, every tight sore place I never wanted to show anybody had a chance to come into the light and be fully loved. And it was done in such a way that I found connectin and support as I rode the roller coaster of my experiences. After the mastery intensive I had the lay of the land of my body and the places I was stuck and needed work. Om had started my opening a year earlier, Mastery had rooted int he foundation for my sex and showed me
Mastery had rooted int he foundation for my sex and showed me what was possible, and today after two years my body is the transformation that is possible from a deep steady om practice and continaully saying yes that next deeper thing.
I felt my G spot last night and the walls of my pussy. My breathe caught in my throat. My Gspot was soft to the touch, the walls thick engorged and pliable. At one of my first classes with Nicole she talked about this experirence where a womans pussy as it turns on begins to engordges and fill. The walls would become convex instead of concave. Soft and expansive able to fully enveloping a cock when it entered it.
My pussy is there. That place that I had set as a marker of my opening two years early has been reached. My pussy is soft, expansive, warm, moist, and welcoming. My Om practie has been steadily increasing from weekly to daily, to immersion into the world of organs. The potency of this practie is really in the example of the lived experince of it. I reached the place I imagined it woudl take me years to reach in two years of deep immersive practice. I continually said yes when the oppertunity showed it self, I leaned in and did the hard, painful uncomfortable work, and I stayed connected in those places were I felt like popping out and running away.
This practice is potent. It felt like I had started below what was “normal” in my sex, my sexual expression, and my ability to relate and stay connected. I essentially had started at empty and had been working back up to full. I feel like I have reached that baseline now of “normal” and “full”. If this is how amazing being filled feels I cant quite bleieve what awaites me in the years to come as I dive deeper and really dedicate myself to not being an ordianry human being but an extrodianry one. As a friend said to me full is the new empty.
— A. Blanck
reasons for sex
From Subbudh Parekh:
It is said that there are four main reasons why we engage in anything related to sex
– practical (procreation)
– pleasure (getting off)
– emotional (pair bond, ‘love’)
– spiritual (‘alchemy’, ‘self-knowledge’ etc)
OM Music
Shouldn’t the man be stroked?
This is an important question. I addressed it in the FAQ on this page, but the unmatched Bill Shor has created an excellent thread for it on the Hub.
