From Vapor to Concrete – Please Dissolve Me

May 30, 2014

From age 0 to 4, there was no sense of “I”

At age 5, “I” had a playground incident with “Ramon”. But the rest of kindergarten there was no “I” or “other”… I dont even remember being around.

At age 6, “i” had an incident with “Michelle”. And later “I” had an incident with my teacher. But the rest of 1st grade was a haze. Evidently “I” was around, passing tests, going to and from school. But I dont remember any of it.

Fast forward to age 45, during the waking state, “I” am constantly having incidents with “others”. I remember them all. I blog about them, make YouTube videos of them. I analyze them and philosophize about them. I come up with strategies to assure I can handle these incidents better in the future. I am convinced there is a separate me who needs to interact with others in order to survive and be happy. I hold onto this way of acting every waking day. I have had many pleasant OM experiences . I am new to OM. But this one woman dissolves me. Instead of “I” doing an OM with “another”, something else happens. She wants more of that from me and I want more of that from her. I can just taste the second OM now. I can see those pussy lips¬†glisterning, opening and inviting, like a flower to the morning sun. I can only apply the precise technique as instructed and allow the etheric thunderclaps to blindside me.

So the advaita vedanta crowd is right about the “I” being a sickness. As Arunachala Ramana used to say: “The first cause of all suffering is the thought I am this body.” With OM I have a chance to dissolve this concrete lump of flesh back into blissful vapor.