Where do I stand?

April 19, 2015

I had a dream last night. Without going into all the details, the
dream told me that “the way out” was through Buddhist meditation.

I started the relationship by design course with a good friend and a
lover. Now, she doesnt even want to talk to me. Without going into too
many details, we started out the course with good intentions at the
conscious level of mind, but we both had negative subconscious beliefs
and fears about the other gender, that led us into behaviors that
confirmed our beliefs.

I notice a lot of “explosions” in OneTaste, where people engage in
negative behaviors in their relationships. Sometimes they come back
together later, sometimes not: even though there is
sometimes growth in OneTaste, it comes at the expense of a lot of
damage and negativity. The behavior I see in OneTaste would not occur
for long in Buddhist meditation because each Buddhist has taken
responsibility for his own happiness and realizes that anger and foul
speech are sowing seeds that draw him deeper and deeper into a cycle.

Fear Inventory works very well. It makes your communication with women
cleaner and will definitely lead to more female lovers. But deeper
down, I want to love all women and all people. My mind has gotten to
the point that I think some people look better than others and I have
developed strong preferences. However, as well as Fear Inventory works,
I’m not so sure I want to keep searching my shadow side for

I have a false identity and think that having sex with other false
identities will liberate me from my delusion. And in fact in OneTaste,
they engage in practices at Magic School which help one dissolve those

I’ve been very close to starting physical confrontations in OneTaste
in the name of The Beast and following my desire. I’ve been treated
wrongly and lashed out like a spoiled brat. And so do many leaders in
OneTaste. But maybe the fact that they dont have these high-and-mighty
purer-than-thou states is good. heck the holy ones might be doing dirt
in the closet and that is much worse! But speaking for myself, I think
I can live a life free of being a slave of passion (as passionate as I
am). And maybe even turn on the passion should I so choose and with
whom i choose.

OneTaste is making the vital nutrient of ORGASM widely available. But
be clear that the ORGASM that they offer can be had by staring at a
flower or listening to a bird chirp. The ORGASM that they offer can be
had in and out of sex. And if you listen

Maybe I should cut out all practices but orgasmic meditation? I did
say that I liked the non-verbal practices at OneTaste. And OM itself
has [a wealth of
benefits](http://orgasmic-meditation.livingcosmos.org/what-is-om) …

Her feedback:

Trying several things and you are not sure if they are working for
good or for bad. Good practice to retreat yourself.
Keep assessing are you feeling more orgasm.
She has the need to take classes and wants to be pushed at the edge to
grow. Then you will want.

Dont blow out taking too many things at the same thing.